It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize