I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
