I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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