remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize