you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My pussy is not your playground.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
