craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
