To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
