If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
