i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
