Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
