the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
