I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
