Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
