ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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