i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
