are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
