Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
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Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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