But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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