pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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