Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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