real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
