omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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