Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
