you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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