ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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