I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
