i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
