Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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