I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
