That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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