I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
