just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
