it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
