I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
