garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
