It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You ruined the universe
Randomize