I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
