I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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