hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
