Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
