Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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