i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
