just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
