Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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