so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
