I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
