i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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