Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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