another moral hangover. fuck.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
