I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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