my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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