he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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