yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize