Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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