I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Drake has all the answers
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize