College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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