You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
