His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize