the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
