just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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